It's my birthday.

Yep. I'm another year older. I don't know why but I'm feeling like I am really on the downslide of life at this point. I mean I remember thinking "wow, when I'm 40..." and fill in the blank with some crazy thing.

I remember my 40th birthday, and it wasn't a huge deal, although I never do make a big production out of my birthday and never encourage my Mr. to do much either. I suppose it's partly because we don't generally have a pile of money to just spend because we want to. Especially since he started at LG. Money has been crazy for the last year. I believe we got to go to dinner, and that was about it. Last year, we did the dinner thing again, but we were getting to get out a lot more than usual anyhow because he was leaving for Korea May 1st.

My 40's have been mostly spent in a deep dark pit of depression. I have struggled daily, hourly, and most minutes. I had my 8th baby last year, on my Mr's birthday. It's the only duplicate birthday in our family. Everyone else is in a different month near a holiday. It's funny. This one was going to be a Memorial day baby, but I couldn't go in to have the baby until my Mr. got home from Korea, because we didn't have anyone to sit with the other kids. I generally will allow my oldest (15 at the time) to keep an eye on everyone when I need to do running in town, but the thought of leaving him with the others for 5 days(because I had to have a c section :( ) terrified me, more than the thought of having a stroke due to pre eclampsia symptoms. Now, I know that sounds crazy, but we seriously have NOBODY that can/will help us. We do everything on our own. I will absolutely help anyone that asks us, but when we would ask for anything it was always too inconvenient or whatever. That's really fine. I am not bitter about it anymore. We just stopped asking for anything years ago. We do whatever we need to do on our own. We work it out the best way we can, sometimes, unfortunately we can't do some stuff that would be pretty awesome if we could.

I remember feeling completely stupid, like absolutely clueless, when I would realize the truth about people in my life. But, that's another entry all together. Probably something I should take to a therapy session, but I can't go to therapy for myself, haha!

I hated it. I hate feeling like I was foolish. I hate people getting one over on me. I hate being duped. I get so angry with myself, that  I would seriously be so naive and oblivious to think that anyone could or would seriously want to be friends with me. I get so mad at myself not the other person. They can't be blamed for my weakness, right? With guys and relationships I'm the worst. I was always the "other" girl, if a guy did show interest. Then when I would make a mistake and mention anything that would imply we were actually an item, I was quickly made aware that it was never like that. It seemed impossible to find a guy that would be legit interested in being with me over anyone else, let alone everyone else. I've always been cheated on. Never the chosen one if there was a choice that had to be made. The idea that a guy seriously would be able to want to be with me or even love me, became an absurd thought to me. I am pretty certain no one will ever fall in love with me. Mostly because they'd have to fall so far into my darkness, they'd likely get lost along the way.

Now, I have been married for almost 20 years now. That is almost half my life. This marriage has had it's ups and downs just like any other, I believe the difference is my Mr. is one of the most responsibility driven people I've ever met. He will never leave me and the kids because he is responsible. He wouldn't want to take the kids away from me, and he doesn't want me to take them away from him either. He loves the kids and he is a great dad. He has always provided for us,always had a job. He had 1 job for 15 years before he decided he needed to move on, and only left when he knew he had another job lined up. He is really sensible and responsible in that manner.

Now, with that being said, that doesn't mean he doesn't wish he could leave. The fact that he stays does not mean he is staying because he is so deeply in love with me that he couldn't imagine his life without me. It's probably because he feels sorry for me. I think it's because we have been together for so many years, he is just accustomed to us. I'm like a habit to him. He stays because he's supposed to since we have all these kids together, and he has accepted that this is it. I know he won't leave and I guess that's more than some people have, right?

Ugh... Anyhow, I'm still trying to work hard to get product finished for the Easter Vendor Event this weekend. I am hopeful it goes well. I can't wait to share pics and stuff with you all next week.

Until then I hope all of you are happy and healthy and moving along everyday, moving forward every day. I hope you feel loved and remember to give love to those around you and in your life everyday. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend, I'll be back with pics and hopefully a good story after this event :D

Procrastinate much?

uhhh yea..so I have committed to doing my first local vendor event.

It is Saturday the 20th, right before Easter. I thought it would be a great idea. I should've known better, because I am the most unaccomplished procrastinator in the universe. I'm pretty sure I have an award around here, or I would if I would've gotten around to going to the award ceremony on Galzim-842 back in January..but anyhow...

So, I have this event coming up, and I have no tables, no canopy (which I will need as it is an outside event of course!), and haven't made any stock.

I think I am trying to see just how awesome I can be at the last minute.

Or maybe I am terrified that nobody will buy anything and then everything I have invested in making and buying will be a waste.

Maybe I am just waiting for it to be cancelled...I don't know but I do know that today is the last day for me to get myself moving!

I have been struggling with depression hardcore the last few weeks and maybe that is what is keeping me stuck.

Today, I am doing it! I have closed all the tabs in my browser to all of the beautiful shops and designers that I love to get designs from so I stop going in there and just looking at all the beautiful designs and projects that I don't have but I still really want to make, and I am coming in here to jot down just a little bit about what's happening, then I am getting into my files and loading up the thumb drive and stitching up all the things that stitch!!

I hope all of you are moving along, pushing through everyday and having fun! Get out and get some fresh air if you can, My weather is finally getting dry, while I know some places are snowed in, so I hope you are cozy and happy wherever you are and whatever your weather is like <3  Please don't forget to check in with all your loved ones and give yourself some love too. I'll be spending the next 7 days being my embroidery machines thread slave. :) Love to you all!!

Be kind...for no reason other than to do it...please?

I recently took my son to McD's for breakfast, because he likes the breast platter, I'm a Hardees breakfast girl myself :)

Anyhow, we are there sitting and eating when we see this family come in. Mom Dad Son Daughter.

Obviously homeless. Dirty. Carrying their blankets. Just obviously tired.

The kids were in their teens, probably 15/16 ish. It was rainy out and grey and cold.

As I sat there with my son, I was overwhelmed with emotion, thinking about how difficult it must be for them. The Dad was in a wheelchair, the Mom was very worn looking with barely any teeth, the kids just looking so tired.

I noticed the Mom and Daughter going to the counter and she was holding a $20 bill.  Now I had just spent $17 on myself and my son, so I couldn't even imagine how she could feed all 4 of them with only $20.

I got up and walked over to them, and I quietly asked if she would let me buy her family breakfast. She very shyly smiled and said yes, her daughters eyes lit up. I told them to order whatever they wanted.

She orders small coffees, hot chocolate, and 4 sausage mcmuffins....that was it...I asked her if that was enough, and suggested the breakfast platter, her daughter spoke up quickly "that would be nice", so I told the cashier to add 4 platters, with everything, and asked again if she needed anything else, but she said no, they were on their way to a hotel.

I of course didn't have any cash on me because I NEVER do when I really wish I did, but I made sure they had a nice filling breakfast, and saved her $20 for something else they may need.

It broke my heart to see this family like this and to hear her only order the essentials, only order what she would have ordered with her own money, not to have her take advantage of the offer that I made. It was heart wrenching to hear her daughters excitement when offered a simple thing like a breakfast platter..

It really made me think about what I take for granted everyday. The food in my fridge, the house that holds that fridge, the luxury of having a bathroom/shower/washer/dryer for whenever I decide to use them. The paid off vehicle that I have to get my husband to work, and the other 2 vehicles in the driveway that aren't running right now, but we have the money to pay mechanics to come and fix for us.

Yet I am sad and I am depressed. How can I seriously say I'm depressed when I have so much, and so many others have so little and would love to have my life. How arrogant am I?

This is why I try, whenever I can, to be kind to people I see that are in need.

I try to be kind to everyone that I have to interact with, but I don't like interactions so I probably come off as stuck up or snobby...I'm just not making them interact with me out of kindness. :) It's really me doing them a favor..I'm terribly awkward in person.

I don't expect a medal for what I did. That's not why I am writing about it. I just never want to forget that family. I never want to forget that my life is actually pretty awesome. Even though we struggle, and money is crazy tight, and we may not have a big house and everything my kids want, we have what we need and we have a place to live. That is so much more than some, and it is so much to be aware of. My Mr. works so hard to provide the means for our large family to keep this weird little lifestyle we've become so uncomfortable in, and I'm glad he loves us enough to do that. haha

So please, keep breathing, keep going everyday...You are important, you are needed, and I love you!

Until Next time <3

Book Giveaway inside!

I finally got our taxes done. 1 thing I can check off my list. whew~ I wasn't sure that one was gonna happen.

Now, I can move on to planning the year ahead. School, Dr. Appointments, bills....ugh I don't know why I was looking forward to this.

I am also excited to let anyone who reads this silly blog know that I am giving away a book. It's not my book. It's a book I recently received in the Booksgiving event I talked about earlier. I received the book "You Are Here" by Jenny Lawson. I read it the night it arrived and I have never felt so connected to a book before. It's easy to see people gush over her books on her blog of course, I think that's just good manners haha

BUT I am not affiliated with her or her blog at all, she most likely has no idea who I am, yet her book has seriously touched my inner most being with this book...and I genuinely love and respect her for writing it..I will be getting both of her other books as well.

LET'S GET BACK TO THE GIVE AWAY!!

I'm giving anyone who needs it or hasn't read it or is just going through a really tough time with depression/anxiety or who just needs something to come in the mail for them to open and distract them for a few minutes...ANYONE that comments that they would like the book..I'm going to buy it for you...because I love you...you are important...and I know you are gonna love this book...and if you don't, no harm no foul...just donate it to a library or a shelter or a thrift store that supports American Veterans...whatever you want...but I think it will touch you, and I want you to read and feel everything in this book...I want you to know you are not alone...you are here and so am I...so are all of us that are feeling alone and depressed.

So that's it, leave a comment here, make an amazon wish list with your shipping address, I won't see your address, I just buy it and it ships to you, your info is kept secret from me...I just want as many people as possible to have this book in their life.

Well, that's all I have for today..don't forget to leave your comment! Keep going, keep breathing, I do <3

See you next time :) 

Wow...lots of stuff happening!

Hey there! I have been working really hard on the shop and the house and the family thing and feel like I've neglected my blog, so I'm going to try and get caught up.

First, well most recently, I discovered Booksgiving... Yea BOOKS GIVING!! It is just as glorious as it sounds I promise. So, you get to send random books to random strangers that you probably don't even know! Because of the magic that is Amazon Wish Lists, and The Bloggess, you can jump in and look at other peoples wish lists and just send them a book..how amazing is that?? Yea that's what I said too.

So this was the 4th year apparently and that made me feel really sad inside because like I said ... books... yea... BUT then I was happy because I discovered it in time to send a book to a child <3 I am a super selfish person, because that made me feel so good inside...and I really love that...I don't feel good very often..so yea...

Plus, as a bonus, my list of  books for me and my littles were purchased by some other amazing person!! I added the list because my kids really love books and we have perpetual wish lists on amazon just for their books...so that if I have extra money or if they have earned a reward or some other alignment of the planets happens, I can just jump on and order one and it comes and they are surprised and I absolutely love the look on their faces when they see a new book...it just brings tears to my eyes...and although most things do make me cry, I am pretty sure this is one of my favorite things that makes me cry! hahaha

Another of my crazy ideas I had was to add leatherwork to my shop..well add it to my items, but I will likely make a new shop for the leather items.

I get a lot of requests for leather bags or leather trimmed items so I went and bought leather and some tools and watched YouTube of course because that is where we learn stuff now, haha, and thought oh yea I could do that!! That looks awesome and adding leather to my bags somehow would be amazing!! Oh man people will love that.

Well...yea, that is definitely something I will need to really work on..I love the items I've made, but when I bought the leather, the guy didn't split it like I expected. So I can't use it for bags, or trim on my items.

It's like 13 oz leather (which is really thick and stiff) and I wanted it split in half basically, and he just kind of shaved the back a little bit...not really making it any thinner to work with..I of course bought it anyhow because that's just what I did..generally I am one of those people that will refuse something if I'm paying for a service and they don't do it properly. But, in this case I just didn't...I felt like I must have communicated what I wanted poorly... maybe...but either way I didn't feel like it was worth keeping the $5 splitting charge out of that businesses account. It's not like I can't use the leather..I just have to learn how to make things with the heavy leather..I love learning new stuff so that's fine.

I have been working really hard on my YouTube channel as well..I never thought about how much planning and effort goes into those videos. I really respect these people that put up multiple videos...multiple quality content videos weekly...I haven't even started to edit and compile content..I just turn on the camera and do the video and upload it..it's just me, no filter, no retakes...just me as I am giving some info on whatever I happen to come up with that day.

My last video is an unboxing of my Grove Collaborative box. You know the ads you see everywhere saying "Hey Free Mrs Meyers Cleaning Supplies!!" yea, I went and investigated cause I like free and I like cleaning...although I've never really thought oh I love Mrs Meyers haha I figured I'd check it out because "free" doesn't always mean "free" or worth it.

I thought it was an ok deal though. I only had to spend $20 to get the batch of free goodies, and honestly dropping a $20 can easily happen if I'm online too long or walk out my door..I grabbed a few things I knew I like and a few things to try. If I wanted to spend $35 I think it was, I could've gotten another free item, but I was good at $20.

If you're interested in seeing that unboxing, it is up on my channel now, you can see it here :)

I have also been working on digitizing some of my own designs. I am not really good at that yet. I am not an amazing artist so I guess that makes sense hahaha

Oh, also, I've been diligently working on new curriculum research...I tend to run my school year all year instead of giving the kids a 3 month break. They do get a couple weeks in January/February just because it is usually my most depressed months and I find it extra difficult to get things ready for them every single day. I take the time to research new and fun curriculum options that will help them with whatever they are struggling with as well as try to find things that will be fun as rewards/enriching fun..if that makes sense. I just don't want them to ever be doing something that isn't helping them grow is some manner.

This year I am excited about a drawing program and some digital art drawing pads. I will post about them when we get them and probably do some videos for YouTube as well.

I am planning some how to videos for crochet, knitting and tunisian crochet. Also, I have a couple in the hoop projects for the embroidery machine, although I may put those off until my new machine gets here. The in the hoop projects make me crazy on the 4x4.

Through all of this I am noticing that I am actually going through a really depressive dip. I have been wanting to eat all kinds of breads/chocolates...I haven't wanted those since I was pregnant and I'm concerned it will just have me gaining back the 50lbs. I lost. So since I am able to see it I am hoping to be able to curb it and hopefully avoid it..but I guess I will see where we end up in Spring...if it ever comes. The other day I had to run the air conditioning to keep it at a cool 70 in the house, and yesterday and today I have the heat set at 64 just to keep it not freezing in here...I thought I was indecisive..mother nature has me beat by a mile!

Ok that's all I have for now, thanks for reading, remember if you're having a tough time, it will pass, just keep breathing, just keep going, even when you don't think you can...and don't forget to check in on your loved ones..let them know how you're doing and let them know you love them...every day <3 I will.

You have to read this post...Seriously Read It....NOW

Yea, not my post but this other blog...please go read her stuff...she's amazing...you probably already read it, because it is way huger,(yea I had to make up that word to show you how huge she is)than I can ever hope for my blog to be, but she has amazing hilarious stuff and I love her.

The Bloggess 

Please go check out at least this last post...I can't even imagine writing anything more directly aimed at making you feel like you matter <3

Remember, you've survived 100% of your worst days ever! Just keep breathing, just keep going...I do <3

Empathy...ugh...

I am an overly sensitive super emotional nut case.

Like, for the latest example, my neighbor has lost one of her kitties to cancer. Now, I'm sure you are all thinking, "aww how sad", right? yea it is.

Well, this kitty was very special to her, he came into her life when she was diagnosed with breast cancer herself and he was with her, always by her side through all of her chemo treatments and was just an amazing companion for her.

That may pull a couple heartstrings for a couple more of you, because yea, that makes it so much sadder.

But you've never met my neighbor nor met the cat himself. So, I wouldn't expect much more of a reaction, as those above are completely acceptable reactions in this situation.

I, however, have met my neighbor, only about 3 months ago. Also, I met the kitty..1 time about 12 days ago. So you may still think that the above reactions would be acceptable for my level of involvement with this person and her kitty.

That's where everything goes wrong.

That's where I feel like such a complete mental case.

I have been crying like I lost one of my own kitties. I have been overwhelmed with sadness since the moment I read the words that her kitty was "no longer with us"...I'm crying now..it doesn't make any good sense, right?

I mean of course I would be sympathetic to her loss. As well, I would feel some level of empathy, having known the love of kitties, along with the loss of amazing kitty companions.

However, should I be grieving like I've lost one of my own? Should I be feeling so sad for my neighbor that I only honestly barely know?

This is a huge reason I have pulled myself away from having friends or even social groups. I am too easily triggered and hurt by other peoples actions/words/situations.  I invest myself wholly into relationships and that is my flaw. That and of course that I would only expect someone else to invest that much of themselves into a relationship as well. When they are inevitably unable to do that, I am left feeling stupid and my feelings are hurt.  When it isn't my fault that they aren't like me. It isn't their "fault" either. It is just the way people are.

Everyone is different.

That's good.

I'm definitely not saying everyone should be like me. Good grief nothing would ever get done anywhere..EVER!

I hope maybe one person reading this can relate or at least understand what I am saying. Not necessarily be the same way as I am, but understand people like me.

My Mr. is NOT like me. He's amazing at not showing emotion at all. Ever. Even at his dad's funeral it was hard to see until the end..then it was very subtle..very real...I love him so much.

He is amazing with me. He understands that I am an emotional nut case and he loves me anyhow. I love him for that. If nothing else, I love him for knowing how to love me so well. I love him for knowing when to hug me and kiss my forehead, and tell me it's ok, and we will get through whatever has happened to trigger me in that instance.

So to any and all of you fellow overly empathetic people out there. I truly understand what you're feeling. I know how hard it is, I know how disabling it can be when you wake up with such an immense feeling of sadness that you don't think you can even pull the cover off of yourself to slide out of the bed and make your way 10 feet to the bathroom...but please don't give up, just keep breathing, just keep going, keep sliding out of bed and crawling to the bathroom... I do <3

Alone time? You're just making up words now...

I can't believe it is the 11th already...I said before January is usually the longest month of my year, but this year is already sailing by. I am admittedly busier this year than usual, so maybe that's the key.

My nieces and nephew are leaving this weekend to live in Memphis with their dad's family, until the custody agreement works out. I'm sad to see them go, I knew they couldn't stay with me forever but it's still sad. I mean yea I have 7 of my own, I shouldn't be greedy right?

What sane person wants to have 11 kids in their house? Anyone else? I think I'm a little off.

However, I am also not that mom you see screaming and pulling her hair out if she doesn't get a night out every week or month or YEAR!! yea I don't get out much.

I always have a child with me...ALWAYS...yep even in the shower, I am not alone.

But, it doesn't bother me. I honestly feel weird when I am in the garage at my "office" (hahaha that's a funny word for my space) and the kids may happen to not be talking to me for a few minutes. I will even call one of them to come tell me what's happening, because I assume they are getting into stuff that I will have to clean up or dismantling one of my appliances or maybe summoning a Type 4 pig demon Nalfeshnee from the abyss....all completely manageable situations, as I am a  Tabaxi Rogue and I think I could manage the pig demon...but that's another adventure for another day..hopefully..

I really love my kids. I love being mom 24/7. I love that my 16 yr old still calls me mama, and fusses at his 13 yr old sister if she happens to say "mom"! All of my boys are mama's boys. My 13 yr old, well she's not my biggest fan, but that's also another story for another day.

I don't understand mom's that don't want to be with their kids. I mean I know,I mean I think I know that you sometimes need some alone time...I think I remember getting alone time once when I was like 25ish?..who knows..I bet I was bored..I don't want alone time, probably because I hate myself. I don't want to be alone with me, I'm an asshat...BUT when I'm with my kids, I'm ok, I love their little personalities, and their little quirks, and I love that they aren't asshats! haha

I'm it's terribly unhealthy, but for now my happy place is with my kids...even when I can't hold back tears and look like I just went 30 seconds in the ring with Rhonda Rousy pounding my face because my eyes are so swollen from crying, my kids still love me. Even when I hate myself so much I just want to crawl into a dark hole and die alone, my kids still love me.

They need me and because of them I just keep breathing, I just keep going..everyday.. and for that I thank them and I love them and I hope they never forget that I have loved them everyday of their lives and never regretted one minute I chose to spend with them over myself <3

No bake cookies...the secret!

I love no bake cookies.

They remind me of home at xmas when I was growing up. That familiar chocolate smell watching them cool on the counter just waiting for my mom to give me the go ahead to take one.

That delicious sometimes still warm soft chewy texture that my mom always managed to obtain...it was like magic.

As I got older, living so far away from home, I remember one year my mom sent me some no bakes..they were just as delicious as I remembered from childhood. I teared up a  little missing home of course, at only 25 and having not seen my mom in 8 years, I was admittedly a bit home sick.

I decided I would try to make them myself so my littles would be able to have the same delicious memories as I did.

Yea, easier said than done. I tried a couple internet recipes first..then I decided to ask my mom for her recipe. That was the key, I don't know that the recipes are really very different, but I did notice some people giving weird advice about vanilla vs. no vanilla versions, and some saying you should only use a certain kind of peanut butter, or that you should only melt chocolate chips instead of using cocoa powder....so many little things that people say makes the difference in whether or not these little delectable creations will set up the way they should.

Honestly, all of these pieces of advice were just personal preference...The one and only thing that makes the difference between puddles and dry rocks and any consistency in between, including that perfect chewy deliciousness is TIME.

Yea, so stop omitting ingredients or adding ingredients or changing what kind of chocolate you use...follow this recipe at the end and you will get the perfect no bake cookie every time. I guarantee it.

The big point, the MAJOR piece of this recipe is that you let the chocolate mixture boil for 1 MINUTE. Please, as soon as it starts to boil, start that 1 minute timer...I set my microwave timer for 1 minute when I start the mixture so that when it starts to boil I simply press start.

That's the big master secret...IT NEEDS TO BE EXACTLY 1 MINUTE! Don't just say "oh, it's ok, I can count a minute, I don't need a timer for a single minute, that's just silly"...uh huh, good luck on those chocolate oatmeal puddles that will soon adorn your countertops...or if you count slow, you'll end up with little dry chocolate oaty rocks on your counter...neither will bring delicious memories to your littles :)

So here's our recipe for No Bake Cookies (aka Chocodiles)

• 1 stick salted butter(not margarine)
• 1/2 C milk
• 2 C sugar
• 4 Tbs cocoa powder
• 3 1/2 C quick oats
• 3/4 C peanut butter
• 1 1/2 tsp vanilla

In large mixing bowl, put the oats and peanut butter, and set aside.

In a saucepan melt butter, add milk, sugar and cocoa powder. Stir with whisk, making sure it's blended well and there are no clumps. Bring it to a boil.
BOIL FOR EXACTLY 1 MINUTE. Please use a timer, it's just a minute..why not?

Remove from heat, stir in vanilla, pour over peanut butter and oats. Stir together until peanut butter is melted  and all oats are coated and blended well. Then remove by spoonfuls and drop onto wax paper, or freezer paper, on the counter, or other flat surface.

Wait a while, and you should have your own delicious Chocodiles for your family, or just yourself, to enjoy :)

I hope you love them like we do. I like to make a batch whenever we are having a difficult day, and depression is taking over. It tends to make my daughter just a little bit less sad, even if just for a little while. It helps us to just keep breathing, and just keep going.. Enjoy <3

Giving! Find a little Pantry in your town, and FILL IT!

We live in a town that is really much bigger than it should be. It is right next to a military base, and it just keeps growing. I am ready to move somewhere smaller and less congested. However, I do like that every now and then, I see something that makes me feel warm inside and think that this town does still have some nice generous people here.

We love to go Pokemon hunting with Pokemon GO and we found a "Little Pantry" next to one of our Pokestops recently. A Little Pantry is a cute little cabinet, that you can leave food in for people in that immediate neighborhood to have if they need something to eat. I love it. This particular Little Pantry, is in a trailer park, and I know there are a lot of kids, and maybe they might need dinner or a snack one day when they get home from school.

I remember when I was young coming home and not having any food in the fridge or cabinets, and searching for enough change to go to the little store behind my apartment complex to buy a cake mix for .88 that I would then just take home and make with water only because we didn't have eggs or oil/butter to make it properly. Wow, showing my age there, when was a cake mix .88 at a little convenient shop? I also remember they had the little pints of Ben & Jerry ice cream for $1...OMG..wow I am so old! hahaha But going without, really made me realize that there isn't always going to be someone to take care of you, no matter how young you are, so I tend to have a huge soft spot in my heart for people that may not have food..I never want anyone to feel like I did when I was younger.

SO we decided that whenever I go get groceries, we will grab some things to take to this little pantry. I don't know if there are very many people stocking as using what is stocked, as it barely has anything in it whenever we come by. I try to fill it up whenever we can, thankfully it's small so even spending a small amount makes it look pretty full :)


This last time we hit a sale at Publix BOGO on pasta and sauces and we grabbed a bunch! I love that my daughter loves taking stuff almost as much as I do! She will suggest going even on days I'm not shopping, and say "but mom, we have all this stuff in the pantry we aren't eating!" I usually reply with, "yea, not right now, but we will need to have something to eat until the next grocery day, right?" haha But sometimes she still gets me to gather some stuff and make a run over to drop stuff off. It's pretty close to us so it's easy to do.

So I suggest looking for one of these little pantry boxes in your town, or if there isn't one, build it! Find a neighborhood that may need things available for less fortunate or struggling families.

Another great little thing, is a Little Free Library. Fill it with books you've read and don't need any longer, and then people can bring their read books and choose a different one to read, and it just keeps going..I love these so much!

Just remember it doesn't take a lot to do something meaningful for others. Even when you barely have enough yourself, there is probably someone with even less <3

No matter how hard it seems, today will be gone in the blink of an eye, if tomorrow comes, even if it isn't better than today, it will pass as well, just keep breathing, just keep going...I do..see you next time :)

Thank you notes...SEND THEM!!!

I just spent about 30 minutes to send thank you notes for each gift that my family received from the JGXM 2018! I love love LOVE sending thank you notes! If you receive a gift, please send them a thank you note! It doesn't take much effort and I bet the person that sent that gift will really feel so much better about sending it...I would.

I remember a couple years ago, one of my husbands friends was having a baby, and my super thoughtful hubby says to me, "hey babe, why don't you knit them a blanket?" 

Inside I cringed, I knew that handmade gifts are just not received very well anymore, and I wasn't certain these people would be ones to appreciate it...but then I thought, well I would love it so they will too! Knit the thing! So I did, I went and found yarn, needles, a pattern..and stitched away..until I had a lovely blue marbly colored blanket, that I just loved so I knew they would at least like it.

I send it over to them via my hubby, to his friend & his wife, and waited patiently to hear back over the next couple of days....my hubby sees his friend every day at work so after about a week, I asked my hubby about it.."Hey did John or Melissa say anything about the blanket?" 

"no, why?" he replied

"oh no reason, just wondered if it was the wrong color or anything.." I said, hiding my disappointment and holding back the lump in my throat while feeling that all too familiar tingle in my face of impending tears.  I know that seems silly, and I must be such a sissy to let that kind of thing bother me..and maybe you're right..I am extremely sensitive. I know and acknowledge that I am one who definitely falls under the definition of an empath...although I don't know much else about those people..I should research that.

So of course, I was very distraught for a while about this and tried very hard to justify why they hadn't simply said "thank you"..I wasn't expecting them to gush about how beautiful the blanket was or how my skill as a knitter was just breathtaking! Although, they would have of course because it was and my skill is exceptional! haha <3 However, a simple thank you would've make me feel better. 

I even thought that maybe Melissa would've said thank you if we saw each other, because that's what women do, and surely this was just a miscommunication and her hubby just forgot to tell mine...blah blah blah...but it wasn't. I ran into her at Target, and she had her baby and older sons as well, we chatted for a bit, with no mention of the blanket..even as I mentioned how nice the blanket she had on her baby seat was..although it wasn't the beautiful hand knit one that I had spent hours knitting for her.

Oh well, another day where I cry the whole way home...and am greeted by my kids saying "what happened? Why are you sad? Did you see a stray animal you couldn't bring home?" 

Ok so the moral of the story...SEND THANK YOU NOTES!!! OR AT LEAST SAY THANK YOU IN PERSON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO USE A STAMP OR SEND AN EMAIL!

Christmas is getting sooooo close!

Yea, I know it comes around every year, same time, same place..every..year.  I wonder if I should just raise the kids without Christmas. I know I know...some of you may be gasping with disbelief at such a thought...but I have what I feel are pretty valid reasons.

#1 We don't do Santa anyhow...I never wanted to put the effort into lying to my kids for years just for them to find out the truth and question everything I ever told them...plus, I'm greedy and I want proper credit for any gift we buy the kids...My hubby works so hard all year, and anything we are able to get for them I'm not giving credit to some make believe fat man in a red suit! hahaha

#2 I just can't afford it anymore. Yes, I know, we chose to have these children, and we chose to take in the extra 4 children, but honestly, I can provide a home and food and love to all of them...I just can't afford even 1 gift each anymore. A few years ago, we only had our 5 at the time, and it was hard to get just 1 gift for each one. I don't buy nonsense impractical items for my bunch. Again, that's my choice, I know. So if I am buying them something I want it to be something they really want, something they can use and something that will last. I'm not a dollar store toy buyer, so that I can throw them away in 2 weeks.

#3 I think it is sad to have no snow on Christmas. We live in the South and it is always gross and rainy and sad outside. I miss North Eastern snow, from when I grew up.

#4 I have had to rely on outside sources for the last 2 years...I am so not the kind of person that asks for help just because. I will exhaust all of my options and then re-evaluate if what I thought I needed is really needed! Only if I can validate it after that, I will try to find help to achieve whatever it is. I don't like depending on others. Humans are unpredictable. I am the kind of person that likes to know what is happening, what's going to happen, and what will happen after all that....I like to be prepared. I can't be prepared relying on others.

So in short, I think I'm just feeling a bit discouraged today. 1 of my sons birthdays is coming up on the 22nd as well. One more opportunity for me to disappoint him. Maybe that's it, maybe I am so stressed and depressed because I know that even though I don't like depending on other people, all of these small humans depend on me...and it seems like I just keep letting them down more and more...I hate myself for that.

If you're feeling similar this holiday season, please just try to remember to love all of your peeps, give extra hugs and cuddles, and just keep going..with tears streaming and a box of tissue in tow, just keep going...I do..

Wishing everyone, or maybe just one, who reads this little bit, the warmest and happiest holiday season. Whatever you do or do not celebrate :)

Project Night Night and a little note of encouragement

So, I follow another blog, The Bloggess, and every year at Christmas time she sponsors a huge gift giving shenanigan for kids and families who would otherwise not have any thing. I found it last year and it was an amazing gift for us. I was hoping to return this year to purchase for others, however, that hasn't worked out for us, since my husband changed jobs in April, we have been barely able to keep rent paid, and so I went back again to post a wishlist instead of shop wishlists.

This year is extra strained since we are taking in 4 extra littles, my nieces and nephew, since they lost their mom. They will likely be with us until spring, so I was completely freaked out when I then remembered as they sat in the living room with my kids, that I now have 11 kids to not be able to buy anything for Christmas.

What does that feel like you ask? Well, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt the hot rise in my face, the tingle in my ears and the blur of tears filling my eyes...it felt like I was falling into a deep dark pit and I couldn't find a hand hold to hang on to to pull myself out. I felt hopeless. I know my kids are generally pretty cool and understanding about our inability to purchase frivolous nonsense, and even when they need things like coats/shoes/underwear (gasp!) and I can't immediately hop on amazon and order what they legitimately NEED...they never ever whine or complain..they quietly wait, wearing whatever they have no matter the condition and are extremely grateful when I am able to give them the new item.

I know there are so many people in my situation, or worse even...I am not even familiar with asking for help. I missed all the sign ups this year for local charities, as I have never had to ask before and had no clue sign ups end in October! yea, clueless..So, I had to go back this year to The Bloggess and hope to get on the list of Garfield.

Now, something you should know before you think, oh cool, free stuff let me run over there! It started yesterday, and if you aren't seriously prepared and can get your list up in the first 12 hours or so, it apparently fills really fast. I have been slightly distracted with recent  family events, obviously, so I kinda dropped the ball..I didn't get my list up until today...Plus, it's probably the longest list on the page, so I'm sure that will be a deterrent.

You see, I was reading her update, and people have already not been following the rules. She has a short list of rules, you can only ask for books/toys for kids, and possibly coat/socks..she has a $$ cap so that more kids can be helped, but of course there are always those people that just want to take advantage of others, especially at Christmas, because so many people are so generous in December.

Plus, she plugs this adorable little program called Project Night Night, that helps children experiencing homelessness. She sells her books and calendars and advertising space and puts most if not all, of her profits into that project. It's pretty amazeballs, you should check it out.

I hope all of you, or just the one of you, who comes by to read this, finds hope and help if you need it this holiday. I understand how dreadful it can be, I understand how dark it may seem, and I understand the feeling of helplessness you may be feeling. I understand it all too well...but you gotta just keep going..for all the people in your life, for your littles, and just for yourself...don't give up...keep breathing, keep going, keep eating, keep loving your littles everyday...hug them more kiss them more play more games and read more stories...even if you have tears streaming down your face as soon as you wake up to the time your reading Chicken Sisters at bed time...just keep going..I do...

Why did I pick the holiday season to start this blog??

I am terrible at planning things. I am terrible with time management. I love the idea of doing so many things. I just cannot manage to ever get them done in real life.

I hate Pintrest. I think it's because it just feeds my need for ideas. More and more ideas of beautiful things I want to make or do. Then of course, the inevitable feeling of failure when I attempt and fail or just never get to actually attempt the project at all.

It can't really be because I am terrible at crafts/projects. I am a mom of 7 after all. I have a pretty full daily life with these guys. I homeschool 1 in High School, and 5 K-8 students. Plus, I've started really trying to work my shop. Which, honestly, has been amazing. I love when I get a sale, and I love creating the items in my shop. I just keep wanting to add more. I have amazing clients, and have received amazing reviews and the shop could actually grow into a substantial income for me. If I can keep it up and not lose focus.

I don't focus well, I think it's the depression. Holidays are really tough for us.. I know it'a a tough time for a lot of people. I also know there are plenty of people who have it way worse than I do. So I try to still teach the kids that while we don't have a lot of luxuries, we do have what we need, and that's more than some other people. My kids are really caring and kind little people. I am very thankful for that.

Over the last year my husband had a huge cut back in hours and even changed companies! We were doing pretty well for a while. Then in Sept. '17  his last job cut out almost all overtime, making it almost impossible to get any. So in April, he went to another company, which we really hope will pay off in the long run. They have already not held up with the hours they said they'd give him when he was hired, and the payscale is non existent there, with some operators making more than  line leads and supervisors. Also, something we are hoping will get worked out in the new year.

So, we are waiting for tax time to get some relief. I wonder if other people do that. Struggle all year and then only have any relief at tax time? It's weird. I have a huge list of things I need to get done at tax time.

I hope my shop will pick up and be more steady with sales, maybe I will even have to file taxes on it in January! How crazy would that be. I think that makes it an actual business then, right?

I hope all of you who find this little page, have a wonderful, happy, holiday season, whatever your holidays and traditions are. Even if you're like us and will just be hanging out at home with the family. Watching "A Christmas Story" on repeat, and playing DND or Trivial Pursuit, snacking on treats. I wish only good things for all of you and your families, now and throughout the new year.

What were you searching for?

Welcome!! You have stumbled upon my little corner of the interwebs where I will be sharing fun projects, sales for my shop, pattern tutorials and just general stuff from my life.

I am a wife to 1 gingerbeard man  and mom and teacher to 7 little pifflesniffs.  We have 10 cats, that I actually allow in the house, there are about 8 more that linger in the neighborhood. I have snagged most of them and spayed/neutered them so hopefully that number doesn't increase. I'm sure you will be introduced to our brood as time goes on, the kids and the cats love to get in on the picture taking.  I also experience severe anxiety and sometimes fall into deep dark pits of depression. I do not have a huge circle of friends in real life, but I honestly don't think I have enough time in the day to entertain anymore people than I already have...so that's ok too.

I hope to share projects, happy little accidents of creating and a passion for creating with anyone who stops by. I also hope that if you become a reader here, when I post about depression/anxiety issues, you will become more aware of what some people may be experiencing, or if you also deal with these issues, maybe I will share something helpful for you to use to manage your own bouts more easily.

We are a pretty eccentric family...I think...I think we are eccentric by 1990 standards probably...maybe there are lots of families like ours today. I am just not aware of them. I do know we are definitely not the norm here in our area.

I am a seamstress at heart, and truly enjoy sewing and creating with fabric and fibers. I have a little Etsy shop, just like every other stay at home mom in the world. I am just a bit of a late bloomer. I only opened it about a year ago.

I hope to give everyone that stops by a little insight and inspiration to create something amazing!