Alone time? You're just making up words now...

I can't believe it is the 11th already...I said before January is usually the longest month of my year, but this year is already sailing by. I am admittedly busier this year than usual, so maybe that's the key.

My nieces and nephew are leaving this weekend to live in Memphis with their dad's family, until the custody agreement works out. I'm sad to see them go, I knew they couldn't stay with me forever but it's still sad. I mean yea I have 7 of my own, I shouldn't be greedy right?

What sane person wants to have 11 kids in their house? Anyone else? I think I'm a little off.

However, I am also not that mom you see screaming and pulling her hair out if she doesn't get a night out every week or month or YEAR!! yea I don't get out much.

I always have a child with me...ALWAYS...yep even in the shower, I am not alone.

But, it doesn't bother me. I honestly feel weird when I am in the garage at my "office" (hahaha that's a funny word for my space) and the kids may happen to not be talking to me for a few minutes. I will even call one of them to come tell me what's happening, because I assume they are getting into stuff that I will have to clean up or dismantling one of my appliances or maybe summoning a Type 4 pig demon Nalfeshnee from the abyss....all completely manageable situations, as I am a  Tabaxi Rogue and I think I could manage the pig demon...but that's another adventure for another day..hopefully..

I really love my kids. I love being mom 24/7. I love that my 16 yr old still calls me mama, and fusses at his 13 yr old sister if she happens to say "mom"! All of my boys are mama's boys. My 13 yr old, well she's not my biggest fan, but that's also another story for another day.

I don't understand mom's that don't want to be with their kids. I mean I know,I mean I think I know that you sometimes need some alone time...I think I remember getting alone time once when I was like 25ish?..who knows..I bet I was bored..I don't want alone time, probably because I hate myself. I don't want to be alone with me, I'm an asshat...BUT when I'm with my kids, I'm ok, I love their little personalities, and their little quirks, and I love that they aren't asshats! haha

I'm it's terribly unhealthy, but for now my happy place is with my kids...even when I can't hold back tears and look like I just went 30 seconds in the ring with Rhonda Rousy pounding my face because my eyes are so swollen from crying, my kids still love me. Even when I hate myself so much I just want to crawl into a dark hole and die alone, my kids still love me.

They need me and because of them I just keep breathing, I just keep going..everyday.. and for that I thank them and I love them and I hope they never forget that I have loved them everyday of their lives and never regretted one minute I chose to spend with them over myself <3