You have to read this post...Seriously Read It....NOW

Yea, not my post but this other blog...please go read her stuff...she's amazing...you probably already read it, because it is way huger,(yea I had to make up that word to show you how huge she is)than I can ever hope for my blog to be, but she has amazing hilarious stuff and I love her.

The Bloggess 

Please go check out at least this last post...I can't even imagine writing anything more directly aimed at making you feel like you matter <3

Remember, you've survived 100% of your worst days ever! Just keep breathing, just keep going...I do <3

My WASHER has WiFi now?? ok sure..

So, I know I told you about our new LG top load washer, and how much bigger it is than my old front loader. However, I've also realized and successfully set up, the WiFi connection so that I can remote start loads, as well as download specific wash cycles to the washer...it's pretty freaking awesome!

I am going to be putting up a video on youtube later this week, showing how to set it up and start it from the app on a Samsung Galaxy 9.

 I know it's not an iphone tutorial, but I switched to the galaxy in August, and I'm still not certain if I want to go back...but I probably do...later though..that's another entry :) haha

Empathy...ugh...

I am an overly sensitive super emotional nut case.

Like, for the latest example, my neighbor has lost one of her kitties to cancer. Now, I'm sure you are all thinking, "aww how sad", right? yea it is.

Well, this kitty was very special to her, he came into her life when she was diagnosed with breast cancer herself and he was with her, always by her side through all of her chemo treatments and was just an amazing companion for her.

That may pull a couple heartstrings for a couple more of you, because yea, that makes it so much sadder.

But you've never met my neighbor nor met the cat himself. So, I wouldn't expect much more of a reaction, as those above are completely acceptable reactions in this situation.

I, however, have met my neighbor, only about 3 months ago. Also, I met the kitty..1 time about 12 days ago. So you may still think that the above reactions would be acceptable for my level of involvement with this person and her kitty.

That's where everything goes wrong.

That's where I feel like such a complete mental case.

I have been crying like I lost one of my own kitties. I have been overwhelmed with sadness since the moment I read the words that her kitty was "no longer with us"...I'm crying now..it doesn't make any good sense, right?

I mean of course I would be sympathetic to her loss. As well, I would feel some level of empathy, having known the love of kitties, along with the loss of amazing kitty companions.

However, should I be grieving like I've lost one of my own? Should I be feeling so sad for my neighbor that I only honestly barely know?

This is a huge reason I have pulled myself away from having friends or even social groups. I am too easily triggered and hurt by other peoples actions/words/situations.  I invest myself wholly into relationships and that is my flaw. That and of course that I would only expect someone else to invest that much of themselves into a relationship as well. When they are inevitably unable to do that, I am left feeling stupid and my feelings are hurt.  When it isn't my fault that they aren't like me. It isn't their "fault" either. It is just the way people are.

Everyone is different.

That's good.

I'm definitely not saying everyone should be like me. Good grief nothing would ever get done anywhere..EVER!

I hope maybe one person reading this can relate or at least understand what I am saying. Not necessarily be the same way as I am, but understand people like me.

My Mr. is NOT like me. He's amazing at not showing emotion at all. Ever. Even at his dad's funeral it was hard to see until the end..then it was very subtle..very real...I love him so much.

He is amazing with me. He understands that I am an emotional nut case and he loves me anyhow. I love him for that. If nothing else, I love him for knowing how to love me so well. I love him for knowing when to hug me and kiss my forehead, and tell me it's ok, and we will get through whatever has happened to trigger me in that instance.

So to any and all of you fellow overly empathetic people out there. I truly understand what you're feeling. I know how hard it is, I know how disabling it can be when you wake up with such an immense feeling of sadness that you don't think you can even pull the cover off of yourself to slide out of the bed and make your way 10 feet to the bathroom...but please don't give up, just keep breathing, just keep going, keep sliding out of bed and crawling to the bathroom... I do <3

Wow another weekend is gone already!!

I cannot believe how fast it seems like time is going this month!

I can't believe it is almost February! It's crazy.

My husband has been working days since he started at LG, after 15 years on 2nd shift with his last company. I really wasn't sure if I would like him being on 1st shift, but maybe that's why time is flying by so quickly.

I have been trying to get work done on designs, stitching up projects, and general life stuff with the kids of course. The weather has been pretty nice for this time of year as well, until yesterday. It rained allll day yesterday. Today we woke up to 30 degrees and some light snow on the ground. Nothing exciting really, just enough to make a mess, as it melts today and tomorrow.

This weekend was exciting in that my hubby came up with a new idea for me to work on for the shop. I mean, yea it's not like I don't have enough to do, but this seems exciting and I really can't wait to share it with you guys!

We were also talking about a Patreon page. I don't really know much about that idea yet, but I will be investigating and I'll post about it this week. I don't know that anyone would want to pay for any of my info/tutorial stuff since there is an entire interweb with soooo much endless free stuff...but my Mr says, hey we could try it, see how it goes...and he usually has really good ideas so I think I'll at least look into it.                                                                                                                           

  I did work up a sleep mask and a new bag design this weekend. I love the purse. I will tweak the strap design a little...maybe make it a cross body bag...and I really want to design some embroidery to liven up the outside. Or maybe I will just find a nice print canvas to use next time. But, hey that's why I stitch up test projects right? The kids are always fighting over everything I take in when I make something new, it's kinda funny.

The sleep mask is pretty spot on for a first run, I don't know if I want to put  them in the shop because I'm not confident about the elastic working for everyone. I cut it to 12.25 inches, and it is perfect for my head, and a just fits my 13 yr old, but I'm worried someone could get one and be unhappy if the elastic isn't tight enough OR too tight..so that will go in the desk drawer for now, I'll revisit that one later.

I love the purse. I love the lining and the pockets, and I even really like the stitch I did, I will do the handle differently, and I will also use some other outer fabrics, but overall I think that one is pretty good as well.

Please excuse the garage mess in the back of the pics, I grabbed some quick pictures while my daughter was out here since I moved my mannequin into the closet! I'm still trying to sort and organize all my stuff since I moved everything out here to give room in the kitchen for a dining table...I'm hoping in the next house I won't have to share my space with anyone/anything else...I might even build a secret door! haha

Let me know what you guys are working on, what kind of things you're doing and have planned for this year, or just say "hi"..I'd love to hear from you and hear how you guys are getting on. I'm here, keeping on, still breathing, and still going...I hope you are too! <3

Test a new washer? yes please, and other normal life stuff

Wow...it's quiet here with only 7 kids haha 

Things were really way crazier than I realized with the cousins here. But it was still fun while it lasted.

We got to pick up a test washer over the weekend. It is one of the first made here in the US from LG. I've had my whirlpool duet front loading set for years, this one is a top loader, and it is amazing! I am super happy with it so far, you can follow along and see unwrapping videos and other info on the washer on my youtube channel TheStitchress 

Now we are settling into our routine of assessment testing and dr appointments and life as normal as it can be with such a large family.

I am starting to take my daughter to therapy on the 28th, and weekly after that. Hopefully we will be able to figure out why she has so much harder a time at just staying out of trouble than the boys. I am afraid they will say bi polar or something and that really worries me because her 2 cousins are bipolar with other issues sprinkled in and I'm not confident I can parent that.

I am a good mom. I mean you know, I don't day drink, I don't beat them, I don't really punish them as often as I probably should, and I've never tried to sell any of them for big macs, target gift cards or meth.

Hey, I guess I'm pretty good then.

My daughter has issues. I'm ok with that. I am learning that maybe I should've taken her in sooner to be diagnosed more seriously, and that is my big parenting fault at this point, I feel.

I was raised by my mom, a single mom, and she always said if she had to take me to the dr., that DCS would be called and I'd be taken away. Now, to clarify, she did have my older brother removed from the house when he was only a little over a year, so I can understand why she would be a little apprehensive. This was a different time too, her parents were different, society was different, I don't fault her for doing what she thought was best. I just wish she would've been able to get me help as a child.

So, I have had this sort of apprehension of taking the kids in for things unneccessarily.  I know they wouldn't have been removed from my home, but when my kids were smaller, it was kind of the time when the dr's were diagnosing every child that came through with something and I didn't want to be the mom that had my kids labeled for everything when they were just kids and there wasn't really a significant problem that needed diagnosing.

So, yea I did not parent that well. BUT I am attempting to rectify that parenting fail, with a parenting win and get any dr appointments we need and keep them and make sure I can get them any help they need. With the family background that we have between myself and my husband, I am now seeing that these problems we are having with the kids, may very well be more than just behavior. There are underlying problems that I need to seek help for and that doesn't make me a bad mom..right?

With my oldest, having Tourette's, I feel like that should be enough. I was allowed 1 special needs kid..not all of them should be special needs...but maybe that was wrong..we will see.

I hope all of you guys are having a great start to the new year, this month is actually flying by this year, so I am looking forward to summer already! Until next time, keep on breathing, keep on going, I do <3

Alone time? You're just making up words now...

I can't believe it is the 11th already...I said before January is usually the longest month of my year, but this year is already sailing by. I am admittedly busier this year than usual, so maybe that's the key.

My nieces and nephew are leaving this weekend to live in Memphis with their dad's family, until the custody agreement works out. I'm sad to see them go, I knew they couldn't stay with me forever but it's still sad. I mean yea I have 7 of my own, I shouldn't be greedy right?

What sane person wants to have 11 kids in their house? Anyone else? I think I'm a little off.

However, I am also not that mom you see screaming and pulling her hair out if she doesn't get a night out every week or month or YEAR!! yea I don't get out much.

I always have a child with me...ALWAYS...yep even in the shower, I am not alone.

But, it doesn't bother me. I honestly feel weird when I am in the garage at my "office" (hahaha that's a funny word for my space) and the kids may happen to not be talking to me for a few minutes. I will even call one of them to come tell me what's happening, because I assume they are getting into stuff that I will have to clean up or dismantling one of my appliances or maybe summoning a Type 4 pig demon Nalfeshnee from the abyss....all completely manageable situations, as I am a  Tabaxi Rogue and I think I could manage the pig demon...but that's another adventure for another day..hopefully..

I really love my kids. I love being mom 24/7. I love that my 16 yr old still calls me mama, and fusses at his 13 yr old sister if she happens to say "mom"! All of my boys are mama's boys. My 13 yr old, well she's not my biggest fan, but that's also another story for another day.

I don't understand mom's that don't want to be with their kids. I mean I know,I mean I think I know that you sometimes need some alone time...I think I remember getting alone time once when I was like 25ish?..who knows..I bet I was bored..I don't want alone time, probably because I hate myself. I don't want to be alone with me, I'm an asshat...BUT when I'm with my kids, I'm ok, I love their little personalities, and their little quirks, and I love that they aren't asshats! haha

I'm it's terribly unhealthy, but for now my happy place is with my kids...even when I can't hold back tears and look like I just went 30 seconds in the ring with Rhonda Rousy pounding my face because my eyes are so swollen from crying, my kids still love me. Even when I hate myself so much I just want to crawl into a dark hole and die alone, my kids still love me.

They need me and because of them I just keep breathing, I just keep going..everyday.. and for that I thank them and I love them and I hope they never forget that I have loved them everyday of their lives and never regretted one minute I chose to spend with them over myself <3

What a wekend..

I have been holed up in my sewing area for a few days, kind of got lost I think. I started making a purely impulsive bag..no pattern, not for an order...just because. I got stuck at the almost finished state because I don't have the hardware on hand to finish it..probably because I didn't plan it..but whatever it's a great bag and I still think it's gonna be awesome...if I ever finish it.

Is that only me? I had crazy anxiety when I realized I didn't have the right size D rings/sliders to finish it. I kept thinking of ways I could "make it work". Of course, dismissing each of them because that's not what makes it right. So here I am. I've ordered the parts off amazon of course, and it should be here in the next month or so, they weren't on Prime. So that got folded and put on the "To Finish" shelf. A shelf that I'm sure not very many other people even have! I do though. I actually have a shelf that merely holds "recent" UFO's (unfinished objects, for those who may not know) and bins with the rest, randomly stored throughout the garage.  Since I had received 2 orders in the shop for 3 bags, I convinced myself it was ok to let that bag sit until the parts come. I hope I remember where it is when they do :)

I know January is a slow month in general. Even outside of my shop, it has always been the slowest month of the year to me. It's like it seriously never ends..how can the same amount of time seem like soooo much more? I know there are other months with 31 days but January...ugghhh! I am trying to keep myself busy this month and see if I can beat that feeling. This weekend went pretty fast, though, maybe there's a polar shift coming.

My Mr. worked all day Saturday, usually on Saturday if he even has to go in, it's only till after lunch. This time he stayed till a bit after 5, which is kinda good kinda meh..I mean yes any overtime is amazeballs, but until they get his pay scale adjusted, even overtime isn't what it should be. Plus, since he's had so much paid off time for the holidays, some of the overtime wasn't even really OT pay! Apparently, they have to have 40 hours worked, not just 40 hours paid, to get the time and a half pay for over 40 hours.

We were so excited when we first decided to change jobs. I think we are still excited for where it could go..just getting there from here..I'm hoping we aren't homeless before it changes.

Thanks for stopping by, I hope you have an amazing day! Let me know if your January goes by as slow as mine.

Until next time, even when it seems like things aren't changing, even if you feel like you just can't stand another day, even if it seems like the tears just won't stop....just keep breathing, just keep going, I do <3

New bags for the new year! PLUS A SALE!!!

I have tried for months to be able to work up new designs and patterns for new style bags in the shop. I know my dice bags have been very popular and that's great but I really love creating.

I thought back to my knitting days, when I actually had time to do anything away from the computer. I loved project bags, I must've made over 100 bags that I would send to others in trades on Ravelry.

So, I went back into those notes and decided to finish up a couple patterns and actually make a couple to see if they were decent enough for the store. I'm glad I did because I love them!!

So I have 2 made in the shop, 1 I used patterned canvas for the outside, and I used cream twill for the outside of the other and embroidered on it. I'm not in love with the embroidery, but I think it will show that they can choose to have something embroidered and that's really the point I wanted to make..It's terribly hard for me to feel like I know exactly what people want embroidered on stuff...My hubby came up with the Chaotic Stupid idea, I was like "ehhh, really?" and he was right, as always.

So I blended my gaming side and knitting side and made a "Knitting bag of holding" haha I now think it would've been better if I put Project Bag of Holding...but I can do that next time..

I hope that I can stitch up a project one soon, but it's tax time and I'll soon be drowning in tax returns and hoping we can get everything on my "to buy at tax time" list this year!

Oh yea, the sale! Use code HAPPYNEWYEAR for 20% off purchases of $15 or more!

For now, I'll just keep breathing, just keep going, you should too!

No bake cookies...the secret!

I love no bake cookies.

They remind me of home at xmas when I was growing up. That familiar chocolate smell watching them cool on the counter just waiting for my mom to give me the go ahead to take one.

That delicious sometimes still warm soft chewy texture that my mom always managed to obtain...it was like magic.

As I got older, living so far away from home, I remember one year my mom sent me some no bakes..they were just as delicious as I remembered from childhood. I teared up a  little missing home of course, at only 25 and having not seen my mom in 8 years, I was admittedly a bit home sick.

I decided I would try to make them myself so my littles would be able to have the same delicious memories as I did.

Yea, easier said than done. I tried a couple internet recipes first..then I decided to ask my mom for her recipe. That was the key, I don't know that the recipes are really very different, but I did notice some people giving weird advice about vanilla vs. no vanilla versions, and some saying you should only use a certain kind of peanut butter, or that you should only melt chocolate chips instead of using cocoa powder....so many little things that people say makes the difference in whether or not these little delectable creations will set up the way they should.

Honestly, all of these pieces of advice were just personal preference...The one and only thing that makes the difference between puddles and dry rocks and any consistency in between, including that perfect chewy deliciousness is TIME.

Yea, so stop omitting ingredients or adding ingredients or changing what kind of chocolate you use...follow this recipe at the end and you will get the perfect no bake cookie every time. I guarantee it.

The big point, the MAJOR piece of this recipe is that you let the chocolate mixture boil for 1 MINUTE. Please, as soon as it starts to boil, start that 1 minute timer...I set my microwave timer for 1 minute when I start the mixture so that when it starts to boil I simply press start.

That's the big master secret...IT NEEDS TO BE EXACTLY 1 MINUTE! Don't just say "oh, it's ok, I can count a minute, I don't need a timer for a single minute, that's just silly"...uh huh, good luck on those chocolate oatmeal puddles that will soon adorn your countertops...or if you count slow, you'll end up with little dry chocolate oaty rocks on your counter...neither will bring delicious memories to your littles :)

So here's our recipe for No Bake Cookies (aka Chocodiles)

• 1 stick salted butter(not margarine)
• 1/2 C milk
• 2 C sugar
• 4 Tbs cocoa powder
• 3 1/2 C quick oats
• 3/4 C peanut butter
• 1 1/2 tsp vanilla

In large mixing bowl, put the oats and peanut butter, and set aside.

In a saucepan melt butter, add milk, sugar and cocoa powder. Stir with whisk, making sure it's blended well and there are no clumps. Bring it to a boil.
BOIL FOR EXACTLY 1 MINUTE. Please use a timer, it's just a minute..why not?

Remove from heat, stir in vanilla, pour over peanut butter and oats. Stir together until peanut butter is melted  and all oats are coated and blended well. Then remove by spoonfuls and drop onto wax paper, or freezer paper, on the counter, or other flat surface.

Wait a while, and you should have your own delicious Chocodiles for your family, or just yourself, to enjoy :)

I hope you love them like we do. I like to make a batch whenever we are having a difficult day, and depression is taking over. It tends to make my daughter just a little bit less sad, even if just for a little while. It helps us to just keep breathing, and just keep going.. Enjoy <3

Happy New Year!

So here we are 2019...ok so I have to admit I am feeling really let down by all the 80's movies that showed me where we'd be in 2010 and 2020...I'm no so sad about the shiny suits..but I am super disappointed that instead we are actually falling in line with the movie Idiocracy  which I highly recommend if you haven't watched it..it's eerily familiar and believable so be warned.

Either way, here we are, I have so many plans for this year. NOT resolutions, I don't believe resolutions are a good idea, I think it puts too much pressure on you, which is why so many people don't last more than a few months, weeks or even days. I am just laying out some fairly reasonable goals for the year.

I think they are reasonable anyhow...maybe for a normal person..that's where I mess up generally. I forget or ignore that I am definitely NOT a normal person. I need to exert so much more energy just to get through daily life than most people it's scary. I think it scares me the most because I see it in my kids too. My 13 year old daughter especially. I feel like she has gotten the worst of both of our gene pools..she has my propensity for depression and her dads side has given her other quirks..and not the good ones like in My Hero Academia.

This year has to be a changing year for us. We really need to turn things around this year. I think a lot of that depends on my husbands job getting things in order there, but hopefully I can pull some magic out of the air even if they don't come around and get their shit together.

Here's my list:

• Pay off bills (I'm sure this is on everyone's list right? We don't have very many so I'm hoping to ditch all of them except the car.)
• Grow my shop so that it is helping to pay bills, even small ones
• Buy list of items for my shop and for Hubby's hobby (It's a long expensive list, it carries over year to year, so we'll see how much progress we make)
• Get my oldest to finish HS and get his diploma.(Tourette's makes this a bit of a push, but I really think if we work hard he can do it.)
• Buy a house by Xmas '19 (this is a really really loose goal..it may very well not happen)
• Make and KEEP all appointments for the kids specialists.( This is just hard because going anywhere can be a hassle, and being on time is virtually impossible!)
• Get my car fixed. (Not really in my control, but still a goal I'd love to mark off. I love my Volvo and it's just sitting there needing the engine swapped, new engine sits in my garage staring at me while I work on my sewing/embroidery every day)
• Buy Hubby a car. (He's very picky, wants 1 of maybe 5 cars...soooo picky)

All of these really depend on LG getting their shit together and working up a fair pay scale for the workers. They just built this plant last Spring, and they only started working in the plant in August/September, but there are regular operators making more than my hubby who is a supervisor. Yea, it sucks. We went from his last job bringing home about $1000 a week to this job where he brings home about $600 every 2 weeks...I don't know how we've survived but we are still here...we are behind on rent, and a few bills have fallen 30 days behind at some point, which is really hard for me to accept since we were really hoping to be able to buy a house this year. We really need a bigger house. The kids are always squished up, never have any time apart from their siblings, and I think that's hard for them..I was an only child, so I don't necessarily understand it..

We've worked really hard to keep the bills paid on time and I had not had a late payment in 3 years until this mess..I really understand how people can get behind and it's hard to come back..I only hope I haven't ruined our chances of buying a house this year. I guess we will see how it goes if they ever fix his pay and we make enough to have a mortgage. 

Today I'm working on some new project bags for my shop. I hope to keep my shop running and hopefully have it start making enough to help pay a few small bills, just to keep things on time and not late.

So there it is..most of my major goals for the year. Do you do resolutions? Do you do goal setting? Or do you just keep going like it's just another day? It really is right? Just keep breathing, just keep going..I will :)