Be kind...for no reason other than to do it...please?

I recently took my son to McD's for breakfast, because he likes the breast platter, I'm a Hardees breakfast girl myself :)

Anyhow, we are there sitting and eating when we see this family come in. Mom Dad Son Daughter.

Obviously homeless. Dirty. Carrying their blankets. Just obviously tired.

The kids were in their teens, probably 15/16 ish. It was rainy out and grey and cold.

As I sat there with my son, I was overwhelmed with emotion, thinking about how difficult it must be for them. The Dad was in a wheelchair, the Mom was very worn looking with barely any teeth, the kids just looking so tired.

I noticed the Mom and Daughter going to the counter and she was holding a $20 bill.  Now I had just spent $17 on myself and my son, so I couldn't even imagine how she could feed all 4 of them with only $20.

I got up and walked over to them, and I quietly asked if she would let me buy her family breakfast. She very shyly smiled and said yes, her daughters eyes lit up. I told them to order whatever they wanted.

She orders small coffees, hot chocolate, and 4 sausage mcmuffins....that was it...I asked her if that was enough, and suggested the breakfast platter, her daughter spoke up quickly "that would be nice", so I told the cashier to add 4 platters, with everything, and asked again if she needed anything else, but she said no, they were on their way to a hotel.

I of course didn't have any cash on me because I NEVER do when I really wish I did, but I made sure they had a nice filling breakfast, and saved her $20 for something else they may need.

It broke my heart to see this family like this and to hear her only order the essentials, only order what she would have ordered with her own money, not to have her take advantage of the offer that I made. It was heart wrenching to hear her daughters excitement when offered a simple thing like a breakfast platter..

It really made me think about what I take for granted everyday. The food in my fridge, the house that holds that fridge, the luxury of having a bathroom/shower/washer/dryer for whenever I decide to use them. The paid off vehicle that I have to get my husband to work, and the other 2 vehicles in the driveway that aren't running right now, but we have the money to pay mechanics to come and fix for us.

Yet I am sad and I am depressed. How can I seriously say I'm depressed when I have so much, and so many others have so little and would love to have my life. How arrogant am I?

This is why I try, whenever I can, to be kind to people I see that are in need.

I try to be kind to everyone that I have to interact with, but I don't like interactions so I probably come off as stuck up or snobby...I'm just not making them interact with me out of kindness. :) It's really me doing them a favor..I'm terribly awkward in person.

I don't expect a medal for what I did. That's not why I am writing about it. I just never want to forget that family. I never want to forget that my life is actually pretty awesome. Even though we struggle, and money is crazy tight, and we may not have a big house and everything my kids want, we have what we need and we have a place to live. That is so much more than some, and it is so much to be aware of. My Mr. works so hard to provide the means for our large family to keep this weird little lifestyle we've become so uncomfortable in, and I'm glad he loves us enough to do that. haha

So please, keep breathing, keep going everyday...You are important, you are needed, and I love you!

Until Next time <3

Wow...it's been a while eh?

Hey there!! I hope someone is still reading...I have been away for so long. I have had a ton of stuff going on so when I just realized that I hadn't been here in so long, I decided to drop in and give you an update on the activities that have kept me so distracted.

Depression. That's the first one. I was in a pretty dark hole and just felt really bad for a few days.

Appointments. I have to take my 13 yr old daughter to therapy every week. Plus, we are now taking my 10 yr old son to OT once a week. He's Autistic and is starting Occupational Therapy at a local place that my mother in law used to take my nieces to when they lived here in town. The main therapist lady there is really super sweet and my son really seems to love her so far. Which makes my daughter jealous because she does NOT love her therapist. I think it's better this way though. I love her therapist and feel like he is exactly what she needs. She only doesn't like him because he pushes her to answer questions that she would normally only say "I don't know" to  and that drives me MAD!!

Life. My surface broke. Well, my daughter broke the screen to it a while ago and it just finally quit responding to touch functions so I didn't love it anymore. If you don't have one or if you do have one, don't ever break it! It is so expensive to repair. I am used to iPads and I can fix an apple product in nearly 10 minutes flat, but these Microsoft products really make you work. I just bought a new computer. I love it. It's not portable like my surface, which does make me sad and I'm sure I will eventually cave and pay to have my surface repaired or buy the parts and let my Mr. do it for me if he ever has any extra time. However, for now this one is great. It's an AIO Sony Vaio with the touch screen function. I love how it fits in my work space that is pretty chaotic over all, but I think it is working.

Business. I have found a few vendor shows to sell at in April and May. I have been trying to get used to my new Babylock machine, and learn to accept how much stabilizer is wasted on the 7x12 hoop~ugh that is hard...I hate it so much. I am also having to buy everything to set up at the show. Table. Chairs. Displays. Canopy because one of the events is outside. EVERYTHING.

I've missed chatting so I'll be back soon. Hopefully I'll have lots of great things to share over the next few months as Spring time rolls in and life is getting more active.

I hope all of you guys are doing well, staying healthy, feeling good, sharing love and life with your friends and family everyday. If you're feeling not so great, but you happened to stop in, thank you, I hope you know you're not alone, and you are so important. Please, keep going, keep breathing every day <3 Love and light to you~

Frames, Trash and a little bit about ODD

I take the 3 kids to their eye appointments, with baby girl in tow, because if I leave the house you know she's coming and bringing her plus 1 to sit with her and hold her hand in the car...yea she's so funny.

We get to the mall, check in for exams, and start looking for frames, my boys are like BAM,

"Mama, I like these, are they ok?"

I'm like, "Awesome, yea they look great!"

Done. 2 out of 3 frames picked in less than 5 minutes.

Then there's my 13 yr old girl.

She's .... special...and I swear I don't mean that in a derogatory mean way...she really is though..everything with her is so..... "extra"? Is that what that means, I don't have any other way to explain it...it has to be so difficult.

She immediately says she wants these large black frames, that were too big and too contrasting for her...once I explained that she was immediately crushed yet continued to only choose black wide frames too big for her face.

I ask her which brand of frame she thinks are nicest..she says "Guess". So we go to the Guess wall, and I'm looking and I find a pair with blue inner frame and the tortoisey outer frame. Still brown, but with some light tones for her pale blue eyes and blonde/brown hair and fair skin...she says "hmm ok" but her face was just so unhappy. She said she liked the colored ones, so I chose some fun speckled purples, greens, reds, blues, no frames, plastic frames, metal frames, half frames...I was pretty sure we were all going home with pink eye after the number of frames she put on her face! haha

Then she goes back to the first pair I chose and says "I'll get these" I explain to her she does not have to pick a pair at this place, we can go other places for frames if she does not want these. But, she's done, she just wants to leave and so I give in and get the frames and feel like a complete failure as a mom.

As we are driving home, we pass a sports bar with a bit of open land between it and the next hotel on that little road, and it is trashed. It looks like people just park there and see who can throw the most trash the furthest into the field. It looked awful. My before picture doesn't begin to show you how bad it was.

My daughter, being the little environmentalist she is sometimes, said "Mama, could I pick up that trash? We have some plastic Aldi bags back here..."

I say, "yea, but I'm not going to keep those bags, we will just drop them at the dump on the way home".

She gets out, grabs gloves and a bag and starts picking up.

Let me also add, as you can sort of see in the pics, it was not nice out yesterday. It was grey and cold and had been raining for days...it was muddy and wet and gross.

Yet she worked hard, walking all around bending over and picking up 5 aldi bags of trash, plus a box she found and filled and a big trash bag she found and filled.




But she did it. And she earned her choice of pizza this weekend and a weird doll thing with teeth...Fuggler I believe it's called? I dunno,I think it's creepy, but she loves it..

When she does these things it makes me feel like I have actually done something right, raising her, and it makes me feel guilty for getting so frustrated with her behaviour at any other given moment.

She has ODD. If you are unfamiliar with ODD, it is Oppositional Defiant Disorder. When the child has issues with following directions from authority figures. Usually, they are also very obnoxious and lash out at people and yell and can become violent. She has all the clinical text book symptoms EXCEPT for yelling/lashing out at me, the authority figure. I believe that may be coming as we get into the teens a bit further.

So she does an amazing job on the trash, and is a gross muddy mess, but she's happy. And that is a win..she doesn't get "happy" about many things, so when she does it makes me happy.

I hope you enjoyed today's entry, I know it was a bit long :)

I hope all of you reading this are doing well and finding your little bit of happy in each day.

Remember, I'm giving away an amazing book in one of my other posts, I can't wait for someone to take me up on that! Random mail makes me happy...although I generally only get mail when I've bought something. Except Booksgiving. Booksgiving was great. So go grab my book give away...let me booksgive you! This book is amazing pillow fort reading...seriously.

Also, check in with your friends and family and see if they need a little bit of happy in their day as well. Keep going, keep breathing, keep living and keep loving...I do <3

Empathy...ugh...

I am an overly sensitive super emotional nut case.

Like, for the latest example, my neighbor has lost one of her kitties to cancer. Now, I'm sure you are all thinking, "aww how sad", right? yea it is.

Well, this kitty was very special to her, he came into her life when she was diagnosed with breast cancer herself and he was with her, always by her side through all of her chemo treatments and was just an amazing companion for her.

That may pull a couple heartstrings for a couple more of you, because yea, that makes it so much sadder.

But you've never met my neighbor nor met the cat himself. So, I wouldn't expect much more of a reaction, as those above are completely acceptable reactions in this situation.

I, however, have met my neighbor, only about 3 months ago. Also, I met the kitty..1 time about 12 days ago. So you may still think that the above reactions would be acceptable for my level of involvement with this person and her kitty.

That's where everything goes wrong.

That's where I feel like such a complete mental case.

I have been crying like I lost one of my own kitties. I have been overwhelmed with sadness since the moment I read the words that her kitty was "no longer with us"...I'm crying now..it doesn't make any good sense, right?

I mean of course I would be sympathetic to her loss. As well, I would feel some level of empathy, having known the love of kitties, along with the loss of amazing kitty companions.

However, should I be grieving like I've lost one of my own? Should I be feeling so sad for my neighbor that I only honestly barely know?

This is a huge reason I have pulled myself away from having friends or even social groups. I am too easily triggered and hurt by other peoples actions/words/situations.  I invest myself wholly into relationships and that is my flaw. That and of course that I would only expect someone else to invest that much of themselves into a relationship as well. When they are inevitably unable to do that, I am left feeling stupid and my feelings are hurt.  When it isn't my fault that they aren't like me. It isn't their "fault" either. It is just the way people are.

Everyone is different.

That's good.

I'm definitely not saying everyone should be like me. Good grief nothing would ever get done anywhere..EVER!

I hope maybe one person reading this can relate or at least understand what I am saying. Not necessarily be the same way as I am, but understand people like me.

My Mr. is NOT like me. He's amazing at not showing emotion at all. Ever. Even at his dad's funeral it was hard to see until the end..then it was very subtle..very real...I love him so much.

He is amazing with me. He understands that I am an emotional nut case and he loves me anyhow. I love him for that. If nothing else, I love him for knowing how to love me so well. I love him for knowing when to hug me and kiss my forehead, and tell me it's ok, and we will get through whatever has happened to trigger me in that instance.

So to any and all of you fellow overly empathetic people out there. I truly understand what you're feeling. I know how hard it is, I know how disabling it can be when you wake up with such an immense feeling of sadness that you don't think you can even pull the cover off of yourself to slide out of the bed and make your way 10 feet to the bathroom...but please don't give up, just keep breathing, just keep going, keep sliding out of bed and crawling to the bathroom... I do <3