Wow...lots of stuff happening!

Hey there! I have been working really hard on the shop and the house and the family thing and feel like I've neglected my blog, so I'm going to try and get caught up.

First, well most recently, I discovered Booksgiving... Yea BOOKS GIVING!! It is just as glorious as it sounds I promise. So, you get to send random books to random strangers that you probably don't even know! Because of the magic that is Amazon Wish Lists, and The Bloggess, you can jump in and look at other peoples wish lists and just send them a book..how amazing is that?? Yea that's what I said too.

So this was the 4th year apparently and that made me feel really sad inside because like I said ... books... yea... BUT then I was happy because I discovered it in time to send a book to a child <3 I am a super selfish person, because that made me feel so good inside...and I really love that...I don't feel good very often..so yea...

Plus, as a bonus, my list of  books for me and my littles were purchased by some other amazing person!! I added the list because my kids really love books and we have perpetual wish lists on amazon just for their books...so that if I have extra money or if they have earned a reward or some other alignment of the planets happens, I can just jump on and order one and it comes and they are surprised and I absolutely love the look on their faces when they see a new book...it just brings tears to my eyes...and although most things do make me cry, I am pretty sure this is one of my favorite things that makes me cry! hahaha

Another of my crazy ideas I had was to add leatherwork to my shop..well add it to my items, but I will likely make a new shop for the leather items.

I get a lot of requests for leather bags or leather trimmed items so I went and bought leather and some tools and watched YouTube of course because that is where we learn stuff now, haha, and thought oh yea I could do that!! That looks awesome and adding leather to my bags somehow would be amazing!! Oh man people will love that.

Well...yea, that is definitely something I will need to really work on..I love the items I've made, but when I bought the leather, the guy didn't split it like I expected. So I can't use it for bags, or trim on my items.

It's like 13 oz leather (which is really thick and stiff) and I wanted it split in half basically, and he just kind of shaved the back a little bit...not really making it any thinner to work with..I of course bought it anyhow because that's just what I did..generally I am one of those people that will refuse something if I'm paying for a service and they don't do it properly. But, in this case I just didn't...I felt like I must have communicated what I wanted poorly... maybe...but either way I didn't feel like it was worth keeping the $5 splitting charge out of that businesses account. It's not like I can't use the leather..I just have to learn how to make things with the heavy leather..I love learning new stuff so that's fine.

I have been working really hard on my YouTube channel as well..I never thought about how much planning and effort goes into those videos. I really respect these people that put up multiple videos...multiple quality content videos weekly...I haven't even started to edit and compile content..I just turn on the camera and do the video and upload it..it's just me, no filter, no retakes...just me as I am giving some info on whatever I happen to come up with that day.

My last video is an unboxing of my Grove Collaborative box. You know the ads you see everywhere saying "Hey Free Mrs Meyers Cleaning Supplies!!" yea, I went and investigated cause I like free and I like cleaning...although I've never really thought oh I love Mrs Meyers haha I figured I'd check it out because "free" doesn't always mean "free" or worth it.

I thought it was an ok deal though. I only had to spend $20 to get the batch of free goodies, and honestly dropping a $20 can easily happen if I'm online too long or walk out my door..I grabbed a few things I knew I like and a few things to try. If I wanted to spend $35 I think it was, I could've gotten another free item, but I was good at $20.

If you're interested in seeing that unboxing, it is up on my channel now, you can see it here :)

I have also been working on digitizing some of my own designs. I am not really good at that yet. I am not an amazing artist so I guess that makes sense hahaha

Oh, also, I've been diligently working on new curriculum research...I tend to run my school year all year instead of giving the kids a 3 month break. They do get a couple weeks in January/February just because it is usually my most depressed months and I find it extra difficult to get things ready for them every single day. I take the time to research new and fun curriculum options that will help them with whatever they are struggling with as well as try to find things that will be fun as rewards/enriching fun..if that makes sense. I just don't want them to ever be doing something that isn't helping them grow is some manner.

This year I am excited about a drawing program and some digital art drawing pads. I will post about them when we get them and probably do some videos for YouTube as well.

I am planning some how to videos for crochet, knitting and tunisian crochet. Also, I have a couple in the hoop projects for the embroidery machine, although I may put those off until my new machine gets here. The in the hoop projects make me crazy on the 4x4.

Through all of this I am noticing that I am actually going through a really depressive dip. I have been wanting to eat all kinds of breads/chocolates...I haven't wanted those since I was pregnant and I'm concerned it will just have me gaining back the 50lbs. I lost. So since I am able to see it I am hoping to be able to curb it and hopefully avoid it..but I guess I will see where we end up in Spring...if it ever comes. The other day I had to run the air conditioning to keep it at a cool 70 in the house, and yesterday and today I have the heat set at 64 just to keep it not freezing in here...I thought I was indecisive..mother nature has me beat by a mile!

Ok that's all I have for now, thanks for reading, remember if you're having a tough time, it will pass, just keep breathing, just keep going, even when you don't think you can...and don't forget to check in on your loved ones..let them know how you're doing and let them know you love them...every day <3 I will.

Christmas is getting sooooo close!

Yea, I know it comes around every year, same time, same place..every..year.  I wonder if I should just raise the kids without Christmas. I know I know...some of you may be gasping with disbelief at such a thought...but I have what I feel are pretty valid reasons.

#1 We don't do Santa anyhow...I never wanted to put the effort into lying to my kids for years just for them to find out the truth and question everything I ever told them...plus, I'm greedy and I want proper credit for any gift we buy the kids...My hubby works so hard all year, and anything we are able to get for them I'm not giving credit to some make believe fat man in a red suit! hahaha

#2 I just can't afford it anymore. Yes, I know, we chose to have these children, and we chose to take in the extra 4 children, but honestly, I can provide a home and food and love to all of them...I just can't afford even 1 gift each anymore. A few years ago, we only had our 5 at the time, and it was hard to get just 1 gift for each one. I don't buy nonsense impractical items for my bunch. Again, that's my choice, I know. So if I am buying them something I want it to be something they really want, something they can use and something that will last. I'm not a dollar store toy buyer, so that I can throw them away in 2 weeks.

#3 I think it is sad to have no snow on Christmas. We live in the South and it is always gross and rainy and sad outside. I miss North Eastern snow, from when I grew up.

#4 I have had to rely on outside sources for the last 2 years...I am so not the kind of person that asks for help just because. I will exhaust all of my options and then re-evaluate if what I thought I needed is really needed! Only if I can validate it after that, I will try to find help to achieve whatever it is. I don't like depending on others. Humans are unpredictable. I am the kind of person that likes to know what is happening, what's going to happen, and what will happen after all that....I like to be prepared. I can't be prepared relying on others.

So in short, I think I'm just feeling a bit discouraged today. 1 of my sons birthdays is coming up on the 22nd as well. One more opportunity for me to disappoint him. Maybe that's it, maybe I am so stressed and depressed because I know that even though I don't like depending on other people, all of these small humans depend on me...and it seems like I just keep letting them down more and more...I hate myself for that.

If you're feeling similar this holiday season, please just try to remember to love all of your peeps, give extra hugs and cuddles, and just keep going..with tears streaming and a box of tissue in tow, just keep going...I do..

Wishing everyone, or maybe just one, who reads this little bit, the warmest and happiest holiday season. Whatever you do or do not celebrate :)