Yea, I know it comes around every year, same time, same place..every..year. I wonder if I should just raise the kids without Christmas. I know I know...some of you may be gasping with disbelief at such a thought...but I have what I feel are pretty valid reasons.
#1 We don't do Santa anyhow...I never wanted to put the effort into lying to my kids for years just for them to find out the truth and question everything I ever told them...plus, I'm greedy and I want proper credit for any gift we buy the kids...My hubby works so hard all year, and anything we are able to get for them I'm not giving credit to some make believe fat man in a red suit! hahaha
#2 I just can't afford it anymore. Yes, I know, we chose to have these children, and we chose to take in the extra 4 children, but honestly, I can provide a home and food and love to all of them...I just can't afford even 1 gift each anymore. A few years ago, we only had our 5 at the time, and it was hard to get just 1 gift for each one. I don't buy nonsense impractical items for my bunch. Again, that's my choice, I know. So if I am buying them something I want it to be something they really want, something they can use and something that will last. I'm not a dollar store toy buyer, so that I can throw them away in 2 weeks.
#3 I think it is sad to have no snow on Christmas. We live in the South and it is always gross and rainy and sad outside. I miss North Eastern snow, from when I grew up.
#4 I have had to rely on outside sources for the last 2 years...I am so not the kind of person that asks for help just because. I will exhaust all of my options and then re-evaluate if what I thought I needed is really needed! Only if I can validate it after that, I will try to find help to achieve whatever it is. I don't like depending on others. Humans are unpredictable. I am the kind of person that likes to know what is happening, what's going to happen, and what will happen after all that....I like to be prepared. I can't be prepared relying on others.
So in short, I think I'm just feeling a bit discouraged today. 1 of my sons birthdays is coming up on the 22nd as well. One more opportunity for me to disappoint him. Maybe that's it, maybe I am so stressed and depressed because I know that even though I don't like depending on other people, all of these small humans depend on me...and it seems like I just keep letting them down more and more...I hate myself for that.
If you're feeling similar this holiday season, please just try to remember to love all of your peeps, give extra hugs and cuddles, and just keep going..with tears streaming and a box of tissue in tow, just keep going...I do..
Wishing everyone, or maybe just one, who reads this little bit, the warmest and happiest holiday season. Whatever you do or do not celebrate :)
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