Rained out for my first event...is that a bad omen?

Well, yea, there I was rushing through last week to make sure I had everything I needed. At least what I thought I needed to be able to display everything in a manner that didn't scream "I've never done this before but please buy my crap!"

Then, it started raining. Then the temperature dropped into the 50's. Then the wind kicked up.

Then, I got the message that the event was cancelled due to the weather.

I was totally gutted.

However, the place that was holding the event, is open all Summer, every Saturday, 10-4. I can go set up my booth any Saturday for free.

That's actually really exciting. I can work stuff up through the week, see if it does well selling, and if not, at least I'm not out of the $50-$100 vendor fee that comes with some events.

I will be going for the first time May 4th. I know I promised pictures last week, but I just haven't had time to get some taken, my sewing/working space is a disaster, so I'm sharing that pic with you so you  will hopefully understand why it's the only pic I have to share haha

Yes that's crayon drawing on the wall. And yes, that's my bedroom hahaha

That's my space...it's nicer than the garage in the TN summer heat!

I will be back in a few days, we have lots of other life changing events happening and lots of fun things in hopeful planning stage, that I can't wait to share with you.

Don't forget to love everyone around you. Remember that you are loved. Remember that you are needed, and tomorrow is another day. Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other, as a friend of mine says <3  We are all in this together, you are not alone.

Till next time stay safe think happy <3

It's my birthday.

Yep. I'm another year older. I don't know why but I'm feeling like I am really on the downslide of life at this point. I mean I remember thinking "wow, when I'm 40..." and fill in the blank with some crazy thing.

I remember my 40th birthday, and it wasn't a huge deal, although I never do make a big production out of my birthday and never encourage my Mr. to do much either. I suppose it's partly because we don't generally have a pile of money to just spend because we want to. Especially since he started at LG. Money has been crazy for the last year. I believe we got to go to dinner, and that was about it. Last year, we did the dinner thing again, but we were getting to get out a lot more than usual anyhow because he was leaving for Korea May 1st.

My 40's have been mostly spent in a deep dark pit of depression. I have struggled daily, hourly, and most minutes. I had my 8th baby last year, on my Mr's birthday. It's the only duplicate birthday in our family. Everyone else is in a different month near a holiday. It's funny. This one was going to be a Memorial day baby, but I couldn't go in to have the baby until my Mr. got home from Korea, because we didn't have anyone to sit with the other kids. I generally will allow my oldest (15 at the time) to keep an eye on everyone when I need to do running in town, but the thought of leaving him with the others for 5 days(because I had to have a c section :( ) terrified me, more than the thought of having a stroke due to pre eclampsia symptoms. Now, I know that sounds crazy, but we seriously have NOBODY that can/will help us. We do everything on our own. I will absolutely help anyone that asks us, but when we would ask for anything it was always too inconvenient or whatever. That's really fine. I am not bitter about it anymore. We just stopped asking for anything years ago. We do whatever we need to do on our own. We work it out the best way we can, sometimes, unfortunately we can't do some stuff that would be pretty awesome if we could.

I remember feeling completely stupid, like absolutely clueless, when I would realize the truth about people in my life. But, that's another entry all together. Probably something I should take to a therapy session, but I can't go to therapy for myself, haha!

I hated it. I hate feeling like I was foolish. I hate people getting one over on me. I hate being duped. I get so angry with myself, that  I would seriously be so naive and oblivious to think that anyone could or would seriously want to be friends with me. I get so mad at myself not the other person. They can't be blamed for my weakness, right? With guys and relationships I'm the worst. I was always the "other" girl, if a guy did show interest. Then when I would make a mistake and mention anything that would imply we were actually an item, I was quickly made aware that it was never like that. It seemed impossible to find a guy that would be legit interested in being with me over anyone else, let alone everyone else. I've always been cheated on. Never the chosen one if there was a choice that had to be made. The idea that a guy seriously would be able to want to be with me or even love me, became an absurd thought to me. I am pretty certain no one will ever fall in love with me. Mostly because they'd have to fall so far into my darkness, they'd likely get lost along the way.

Now, I have been married for almost 20 years now. That is almost half my life. This marriage has had it's ups and downs just like any other, I believe the difference is my Mr. is one of the most responsibility driven people I've ever met. He will never leave me and the kids because he is responsible. He wouldn't want to take the kids away from me, and he doesn't want me to take them away from him either. He loves the kids and he is a great dad. He has always provided for us,always had a job. He had 1 job for 15 years before he decided he needed to move on, and only left when he knew he had another job lined up. He is really sensible and responsible in that manner.

Now, with that being said, that doesn't mean he doesn't wish he could leave. The fact that he stays does not mean he is staying because he is so deeply in love with me that he couldn't imagine his life without me. It's probably because he feels sorry for me. I think it's because we have been together for so many years, he is just accustomed to us. I'm like a habit to him. He stays because he's supposed to since we have all these kids together, and he has accepted that this is it. I know he won't leave and I guess that's more than some people have, right?

Ugh... Anyhow, I'm still trying to work hard to get product finished for the Easter Vendor Event this weekend. I am hopeful it goes well. I can't wait to share pics and stuff with you all next week.

Until then I hope all of you are happy and healthy and moving along everyday, moving forward every day. I hope you feel loved and remember to give love to those around you and in your life everyday. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend, I'll be back with pics and hopefully a good story after this event :D

Procrastinate much?

uhhh yea..so I have committed to doing my first local vendor event.

It is Saturday the 20th, right before Easter. I thought it would be a great idea. I should've known better, because I am the most unaccomplished procrastinator in the universe. I'm pretty sure I have an award around here, or I would if I would've gotten around to going to the award ceremony on Galzim-842 back in January..but anyhow...

So, I have this event coming up, and I have no tables, no canopy (which I will need as it is an outside event of course!), and haven't made any stock.

I think I am trying to see just how awesome I can be at the last minute.

Or maybe I am terrified that nobody will buy anything and then everything I have invested in making and buying will be a waste.

Maybe I am just waiting for it to be cancelled...I don't know but I do know that today is the last day for me to get myself moving!

I have been struggling with depression hardcore the last few weeks and maybe that is what is keeping me stuck.

Today, I am doing it! I have closed all the tabs in my browser to all of the beautiful shops and designers that I love to get designs from so I stop going in there and just looking at all the beautiful designs and projects that I don't have but I still really want to make, and I am coming in here to jot down just a little bit about what's happening, then I am getting into my files and loading up the thumb drive and stitching up all the things that stitch!!

I hope all of you are moving along, pushing through everyday and having fun! Get out and get some fresh air if you can, My weather is finally getting dry, while I know some places are snowed in, so I hope you are cozy and happy wherever you are and whatever your weather is like <3  Please don't forget to check in with all your loved ones and give yourself some love too. I'll be spending the next 7 days being my embroidery machines thread slave. :) Love to you all!!

Be kind...for no reason other than to do it...please?

I recently took my son to McD's for breakfast, because he likes the breast platter, I'm a Hardees breakfast girl myself :)

Anyhow, we are there sitting and eating when we see this family come in. Mom Dad Son Daughter.

Obviously homeless. Dirty. Carrying their blankets. Just obviously tired.

The kids were in their teens, probably 15/16 ish. It was rainy out and grey and cold.

As I sat there with my son, I was overwhelmed with emotion, thinking about how difficult it must be for them. The Dad was in a wheelchair, the Mom was very worn looking with barely any teeth, the kids just looking so tired.

I noticed the Mom and Daughter going to the counter and she was holding a $20 bill.  Now I had just spent $17 on myself and my son, so I couldn't even imagine how she could feed all 4 of them with only $20.

I got up and walked over to them, and I quietly asked if she would let me buy her family breakfast. She very shyly smiled and said yes, her daughters eyes lit up. I told them to order whatever they wanted.

She orders small coffees, hot chocolate, and 4 sausage mcmuffins....that was it...I asked her if that was enough, and suggested the breakfast platter, her daughter spoke up quickly "that would be nice", so I told the cashier to add 4 platters, with everything, and asked again if she needed anything else, but she said no, they were on their way to a hotel.

I of course didn't have any cash on me because I NEVER do when I really wish I did, but I made sure they had a nice filling breakfast, and saved her $20 for something else they may need.

It broke my heart to see this family like this and to hear her only order the essentials, only order what she would have ordered with her own money, not to have her take advantage of the offer that I made. It was heart wrenching to hear her daughters excitement when offered a simple thing like a breakfast platter..

It really made me think about what I take for granted everyday. The food in my fridge, the house that holds that fridge, the luxury of having a bathroom/shower/washer/dryer for whenever I decide to use them. The paid off vehicle that I have to get my husband to work, and the other 2 vehicles in the driveway that aren't running right now, but we have the money to pay mechanics to come and fix for us.

Yet I am sad and I am depressed. How can I seriously say I'm depressed when I have so much, and so many others have so little and would love to have my life. How arrogant am I?

This is why I try, whenever I can, to be kind to people I see that are in need.

I try to be kind to everyone that I have to interact with, but I don't like interactions so I probably come off as stuck up or snobby...I'm just not making them interact with me out of kindness. :) It's really me doing them a favor..I'm terribly awkward in person.

I don't expect a medal for what I did. That's not why I am writing about it. I just never want to forget that family. I never want to forget that my life is actually pretty awesome. Even though we struggle, and money is crazy tight, and we may not have a big house and everything my kids want, we have what we need and we have a place to live. That is so much more than some, and it is so much to be aware of. My Mr. works so hard to provide the means for our large family to keep this weird little lifestyle we've become so uncomfortable in, and I'm glad he loves us enough to do that. haha

So please, keep breathing, keep going everyday...You are important, you are needed, and I love you!

Until Next time <3

Wow...it's been a while eh?

Hey there!! I hope someone is still reading...I have been away for so long. I have had a ton of stuff going on so when I just realized that I hadn't been here in so long, I decided to drop in and give you an update on the activities that have kept me so distracted.

Depression. That's the first one. I was in a pretty dark hole and just felt really bad for a few days.

Appointments. I have to take my 13 yr old daughter to therapy every week. Plus, we are now taking my 10 yr old son to OT once a week. He's Autistic and is starting Occupational Therapy at a local place that my mother in law used to take my nieces to when they lived here in town. The main therapist lady there is really super sweet and my son really seems to love her so far. Which makes my daughter jealous because she does NOT love her therapist. I think it's better this way though. I love her therapist and feel like he is exactly what she needs. She only doesn't like him because he pushes her to answer questions that she would normally only say "I don't know" to  and that drives me MAD!!

Life. My surface broke. Well, my daughter broke the screen to it a while ago and it just finally quit responding to touch functions so I didn't love it anymore. If you don't have one or if you do have one, don't ever break it! It is so expensive to repair. I am used to iPads and I can fix an apple product in nearly 10 minutes flat, but these Microsoft products really make you work. I just bought a new computer. I love it. It's not portable like my surface, which does make me sad and I'm sure I will eventually cave and pay to have my surface repaired or buy the parts and let my Mr. do it for me if he ever has any extra time. However, for now this one is great. It's an AIO Sony Vaio with the touch screen function. I love how it fits in my work space that is pretty chaotic over all, but I think it is working.

Business. I have found a few vendor shows to sell at in April and May. I have been trying to get used to my new Babylock machine, and learn to accept how much stabilizer is wasted on the 7x12 hoop~ugh that is hard...I hate it so much. I am also having to buy everything to set up at the show. Table. Chairs. Displays. Canopy because one of the events is outside. EVERYTHING.

I've missed chatting so I'll be back soon. Hopefully I'll have lots of great things to share over the next few months as Spring time rolls in and life is getting more active.

I hope all of you guys are doing well, staying healthy, feeling good, sharing love and life with your friends and family everyday. If you're feeling not so great, but you happened to stop in, thank you, I hope you know you're not alone, and you are so important. Please, keep going, keep breathing every day <3 Love and light to you~

New machine fun

I have been using a Brother HE1 embroidery machine for a while and I thought I loved it. I never had a real problem with it and if anything did start acting wonky I could get in there and fix it myself. It just had such a small embroidery area, being only a 4x4 machine. I realized quickly that I was going to need a bigger machine.

After a bunch of thought and researching and searching and more searching...I finally decided I loved the Viking Ruby machine. Well, that, as almost everything else in my life, was way too expensive of a machine for my budget! Used ones run close to $1500 on the cheap! Mostly they are around $2k~ yea, a lot..so I started looking around for more affordable options.

Everyone screams PE770! I scream UGH! Only because it only does a 5x7 hoop..that's only 1 size up from my tiny 4x4..I wanted BIG!!

I ended up going with a used, BabyLock Ellegante. It is definitely my budget machine, but it does go up to 7x12 I believe or 7x14? one of those...which is pretty nice and big enough for some great designs from my most favorite designer, String Theory Fabric Art.  You should totally check out her site, even if you don't stitch, you will enjoy just seeing all the amazing things she has on there. She is amazing and she makes gorgeous designs, but sometimes they need to be in the bigger sizes to get them to really stitch well enough to showcase her talents. I think the most popular, or most well known design of hers are her twists on Van Gogh's Starry Night. She has a Hogwarts starry night,  star wars starry night, and Tardis starry night I believe. Now they take hours to stitch out on the machine, and have a bazillion jump stitches to clip by hand but they are so beautiful.  Now I can get the bigger designs and stitch them comfortably and really do her designs justice.

Ok, that's all I have for today, I hope you are all doing well, staying healthy, and checking in on all your loved ones. Live today, and just keep going!!

Why do I ever leave my house!!??

I swear, if I could find a nice little cottage in the middle of a field and I could live there with not interacting with any other real person I would totally do it...Or maybe I just don't like my in laws...I don't know..

I love my family, I love my mom, and I am pretty sure I do love my inlaws for the most part...but when we go to family functions and all the cousins are brought, and my sister in law brings her daughter that has been exposed to the flu, and doesn't tell anyone...that is what I hate.

I have a lot of kids..I also have severe asthma/allergies. I generally only have a difficult time when it is rainy because of the mold spores. However, this year has been exceptionally wet, and we brought home a tiny virus that is attacking our respiratory systems.

For the last week or so I have been tending to fevers, snotty noses and general breathing problems. Honestly, until yesterday, I wasn't doing too badly.

Then, I couldn't breathe. Even after using my inhaler, I still couldn't breathe. So I go to the Dr. I love my Dr. by the way. She is really nice and her office is small so I can always get an appointment and that keeps my from having to go to the ER or to a walk in clinic that I would have to see some weird person, probably a nurse, that doesn't know me or my issues...ugh! The horror! 

When I called the office I was already pretty close so I got an appointment within 7 minutes, I was at the office in 3.

I had to have a breathing treatment in office, plus steroid shot, plus she gave me a whole list of meds to try and help.

I don't know if they are working or not...I can't breathe but now it's because my sinus are clogged..although I am still coughing a lot and feel tight in my chest.

I hope it passes quickly, I hope to get back on here more frequently once this yuck passes..I hope all of you are doing well, feeling healthy, and moving forward. I think I am at least moving forward..a little haha

So I love things that smell good...

I have always been one of those weird people that love to have my home/car/space smelling really good. However, my version of good, is usually not on track with the trends.

I hate the smell of vanilla.

I cringe when I smell Lavender.

I really get nauseated at the scent of heavy cinnamon too.

So, my opinion of a good smell is usually a light clean air "fresh" smell, that reminds me of laundry hanging on the clothes line when I was small. Or I enjoy lovely citrus scents, although, that can quickly go awry if made incorrectly.

I used to sell scentsy, well I used to buy it a lot so I signed up to be a consultant, and I love earning free goodies on my purchases. I don't have to have "parties" or stalk and sell to my friends and family.

I'm not a sales person..I suck at talking to people.

I recently jumped back in because they now have the cute disney character stuff and while I'm still not a disney fan, I know most people are and so this time maybe I will be able to sell stuff to someone other than myself! haha

If you want to check out the new goods, check them out here Welcome Back Party. If you don't it's cool :) I'm totally chuffed you are reading this far!!

Thank YOU!!

I hope you're doing well, getting on every day with minimal grief, and most of all I hope you keep going!

Till next time :)

My oldest son teaching his baby brother to play Ark ...

Seriously, I love my son...always...BUT when he does something like this it just makes me get all the feels!! His baby brother is 5, and loves to be like his big brother and play games. My oldest is always working on his YouTube channel, trying so hard to get the 1000 subscribers it takes to set up his adsense account. He's at 25, but he never gets bummed or discouraged. He is on there every night putting up his game clips every day...I can't wait to be able to get him set up so he can make his videos even more awesome and really grow his channel. He's amazing, if you have a few minutes take a look, drop a thumbs up if you can, it will really bring a smile to his super cute awkward fuzzy puberty face hahaha <3

It's cheese sauce and I paid for it, yet my Mr is judging me...

So the Mr and I rarely get to go out by ourselves to do anything so the other night when we got to go out to a quick dinner we ran! haha

I picked him up from work and we went to Culver's. If you don't know what it is, it is just another burger place like Steak & Shake or Freddy's...I think..They do have really good ice cream..they call it frozen custard...I call it ice cream and the one with Andes Mints in it is so good I'm not sure it's only mint they are putting in there!

So we go and order our food, sit down, they bring it, we start eating and when we are almost finished, I see there's a few fried cheese curds left and well..that just can't be so I grab on e and dip it in the cheese sauce I had to pay for for my french fries...My Mr. stops eating his french fries and looks at me all kind of sideways like I had just put pickles in cottage cheese or something! Like he seriously couldn't believe what I was doing and says...

"you know those are fried cheese, right?"

"uhhh..yea.." I replied.

"why are you dipping them in cheese sauce?" he added, as though he realized I must be in the beginning stages of dimentia and I just thought it was some other kind of dip!

"I paid for the cheese sauce...I'm not going to throw it away! That's like throwing away 76 cents! Who does that?" I say, slightly offended and more confused as to how he doesn't already know and understand everything that is happening in front of him.

He just laughed at me, and said I was pretty...I momentarily considered telling him we need to seriously re-evaluate our relationship, but I just enjoyed my cheese dipped fried cheese curds instead, while wondering how I married a man that could ever have said these things to me..

I hope you are all having a wonderful day/week/month/year...I hope this made you laugh a little, or al lot..it's ok..no judgement :)

I'm working on my videos for the new embroidery machine my Mum sent me last week! If you are interested in that kind of thing it will be on the YouTube channel soon, I'll post it here as well when it's finished.

Until next time, please keep going, keep breathing, keep pushing forward..don't forget to check in on your loved ones and friends, even those who you don't think need it...give love and hugs to  all your peeps..every day!

Little road trip for a cute little vintage sewing machine.

I've been searching for a new embroidery machine so I can expand my items in my shop and for craft fairs. So many designs that I love are for 5x7 and larger, and until now I've only had a brother that only does 4x4. It's a great little machine, and it stitches well and I can do just about anything...as long as it's small.

The Mr. said I could look around and as long as I found one that was not crazy expensive, we'd see if I could manage it into the budget. Well, I of course fell in love with a Husqvarna Viking Ruby machine, that is sooooo nice, however, it is at least $1800 and that's for an iffy transaction. These easily average $2200-$3000..USED! 

While I was searching Viking Ruby yesterday, this adorable vintage sewing machine pops up in the feed and it's listed for $100...

I know what you're saying, "I thought you wanted an embroidery machine??"

And I would reply, "yes. I do. However, this is a vintage sewing machine, that I've never seen before..I'm certain if I had seen it before I would be looking for it now to purchase!"

It was about 2 hours away from me..that was a minor deterrent once the gentleman accepted my offer of $60.

So off we went, my 12 yr old, 10 yr old, 4 yr old and myself.  

It was a pretty uneventful drive up thankfully, e
xcept of course, the people who do not know how to use their headlights in the rain!

Seriously folks, if you are in a light colored vehicle especially, but any vehicle, and it is raining, you should have your headlights on...if you don't your a terrible driver! There I said it.

It's been raining for so long here. The river is about to flood downtown and it is still raining soooo much. 

The whole trip took us about 7 hours, and once I got home, I couldn't wait to get my machine set up and see how it stitched. Honestly, I wanted to see IF it stitched.  

It came with a little stack of books, the foot pedal and the cams! Yea CAMS. It's a cam sewing machine, from the 70's..I love this thing so much.

It stitches beautifully. So smooth. So straight. So quiet! Which was a surprise. I do need to get a new hook for my bobbin, as this one is worn and it clanks a bit while sewing. But even with that $83 piece, I'm still very happy with the price of the machine.